LAURIE WEIR

Ah, January. It will soon be upon us. The month where we’re all supposed to magically transform into the best versions of ourselves—right after spending December in a sugar-and-carbs stupor, binge-watching the latest and the greatest on Netflix (or elsewhere), and unwrapping chocolates like it’s a competitive sport.

Let’s be real: January resolutions? Not happening. At least not for me.

First off, January feels like one big buzzkill. We’ve just come off the high of the holidays, where lounging about and eating bonbons was practically a daily ritual. And now, I’m supposed to start waking up at 5 a.m., meal-prepping kale salads, and sweating through cardio sessions? No, thank you. My body is still clinging to December and will absolutely rebel against such cruelty.

And it’s not just the physical withdrawal. My soul needs a minute to adjust. How am I supposed to go from cozying up with a big bottle of Perth’s Top Shelf Irish Cream (thanks Santa!) and Hallmark Christmas movies to hitting the gym while it’s still pitch-black outside? That kind of lifestyle whiplash is just asking for failure.

You know what doesn’t ask too much of me? March. March shows up like a cool, laid-back sister who says, “Hey, no rush. Let’s ease into this whole ‘new you’ thing.” By March, the days are getting longer, the sun peeks out more often, and I’m starting to thaw out—emotionally and physically. It’s a much better time to consider, you know, moving.

Plus, March is when nature itself says, “Let’s start fresh!” The snow is melting, sap is running, and the air smells less like snow and despair. It’s way easier to be inspired when you’re not frozen to your core and craving carbs to survive.

For me, March is extra special because it’s my birthday month. What better time to kick off a fresh start? Unlike January’s “everyone’s doing it, so you should too” vibe, a birthday resolution feels personal—like a gift to myself. It’s like saying, “Hey, Laurie, here’s to another year of being awesome. Let’s level up, but, you know, gently.”

Starting resolutions in March also spares me from the inevitable resolution withdrawal. Let’s be honest: trying to go from 0 to 100 in January feels like ripping the fun out of life. If I quit all my indulgences cold turkey—no snacks, no sleeping in, no slothful lounging—I’ll last exactly 10 days before I’m back on the couch with an extra-large Hazelnut cold brew (topped with that Irish cream), muttering, “Well, that didn’t work.”

But by March, I’m ready to ease into change. Maybe I start with something simple, like walking more (because it’s not -10 degrees) or swapping the occasional chocolate treat for, say, an orange – I’ve got to get that vitamin C into me, too! No shock to the system, no guilt—just gradual, feel-good progress.

To everyone who’s still trying to power through those January goals: I see you, I respect you, but I’m out. I’ll be over here, chilling with my snacks and waiting for the first signs of spring to spark some motivation. When March rolls around, I’ll join you—hopefully with a little more energy and a lot less resistance.

Because resolutions should feel exciting, not like a punishment. And honestly? Life’s too short to start the year in ugly withdrawal.